Of course, since David's life as a bachelor was ending, I was obligated to take him on that last foray into single-ness before the big event... the nudie bar. Of course, he didn't really want to go, so I had to drag him, kicking and screaming, and tell him that in the end he would thank me for it.

Prior to Thursday night, I had never been in a nudie bar before. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I figured it would be a sleazy looking place with cheap carpet, bad lighting, and naked women. My estimate was pretty accurate. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional impact it would have on me. I spent the first hour or so nervous as hell, not so much from being around naked women, but from the shock of being thrown into an environment where its acceptable for women to strip in exchange for money. It was like being in some sort of alternate dimension, where the rules of society do not apply. It took a while to adjust.

Once adjusted, it actually was a pretty good time. Pay some money, watch women take off what little clothing they have on, a very simple transaction. While sitting in the back to take a break from spending money and seeing boobies, some of the strippers (with their "clothes" on), came over to our table, and on sat on my lap while they talked to us. That was pretty cool, until one of them spilled their drink on us. Luckily it didn't drench us, and only hit the bottom half of our jeans, so it was more inconvenient than anything else. It was a bit strange at first just chit-chatting with half-naked women whom I had seen completely nude just a few minutes ago, but that was a little bit easier to adjust to, perhaps because the conversation helped ground me in some semblance of the real word. Plus, the whole thing is a fantasy land. Women will talk to you and take off their clothes. Of course, they're only taking off their clothes for money, and only talking to you to build up a rapport so you'll spend more money when they strip, but you don't think about that part. It ruins the fantasy.

David, of course, was miserable because the entire time, all he could think about was his bride-to-be. I don't think he enjoyed himself at all, especially since all the strippers who came to our table seemed to have a preference for sitting on my lap. Maybe I had the scent of newbie on me, and they circled like sharks. Or maybe my lap is really comfortable and soft... um, waitaminute...

Near the end of the night, one of the strippers was walking by, then stumbled a bit and grabbed onto a chair. She said something to us, but I couldn't hear her so I got up and asked her if she was ok. She told me that she was drunk off her ass and was about to pass out, and needed to sit down. I started to pull up a chair, and she asked me to sit her on my lap, otherwise she'd get in trouble (not allowed to sit down on the job, or pass out, either). So I brought her over to our table and sat her down, where she proceeded to tell me (and David, who bailed on me because he was weirded out), her life story, which included how she was an alcoholic, lost her baby to children services because of it, didn't have a ride home, hated her job and was miserable depressed. I really wasn't sure what else to do except listen to her. I told her to take whatever she had left of her drink and toss it, as a favor to me and her baby, but I'm not sure if she listened. She told me that I was a nice guy, said she could tell by my eyes. She also said she could tell by my eyes that I've been hurt a couple of times. It could have been a line, I suppose. She was feeling a bit better and took her leave. I told her to take care of herself, but I'm not sure that she will.

Once she was gone, I felt really odd. I felt like this bubble of reality was surrounding me, and I was shielded from this fantasy world that I was so immersed in just a few moments ago. And a strange feeling came over me, and I'm not sure how to describe it. For the first time in years, I actually felt like myself. I felt like the nice, kind, sweet, and genuinely caring person that I used to be. The jaded, sarcastic, calloused Frank was gone. I liked that feeling. I only hope that I was able to touch her in some similar way.

When we both finally got back to David's place, we both felt... greasy. David told me this was normal. I guess this is the transition back into reality, with the residue of fantasy world still on you, and visions of strippers dancing through your dreams as your brain continues to try and acclimate as you sleep.

Good times.

The wedding was beautiful, and went off without a hitch (well, there was one hitch *snerk*). I must admit, I've been to (and in) a few weddings, and David and Avonn looked happier than any other couple I've seen. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to congratulate them enough.

And yours truly was the lucky bachelor to catch the garter. I swear David threw it at me on purpose, his revenge for me dancing with him during the dollar dance.

Anyway, this is long enough. Congratulations again to David & Avonn. May your lives be filled with nothing but happiness, good cheer, and succulent prime rib.

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